wRitinGs

lyka · Twi'ilek Jedi Knight

wRitinGs

lyka · Twi'ilek Jedi Knight

What’s in a name?

For as long as I can remember, I have seemed to know the name of the woman
With whom I would spend my life. It was supposed to be Amanda.
I really don't know how I knew this; I don't consider myself a psychic. I do vaguely remember
A few dreams in my adolescences including that name, and then one more in my mid-twenties.
But more than the dreams, I have always seemed to possess the knowledge hat her name would
Be Amanda.
On my thirthieth birthday, I looked back at my life with sadness. I had met several
Amanda’s, but none were right for me. I tried very hard to be with one of these women,
To make her somehow fit as a lover, but it didn't work. It ended painfully.
I had other relationships with women of different names. These, too, were painful as I
Tried to fight against my inner knowing or even to pretend that I didn’t have this bit
Of information locked in my heart.
I also felt anger. It felt like a handicap to have such a precise qualification for my
Life partner. I felt limited in my relationships. My friends could enjoy the simple
Pleasure of dating with an open mind and heart. I felt biased, at times even cursed.
For example, there was a beautiful young woman, heather, who lived in the apartment
Next door to mine. I felt attracted to her. I felt comfortable with her. When she
Greeted me with that warm smile of hers, I felt her genuine caring. If her name was Amanda
, I would have leaped for joy. But I had to hide my feelings for fear of breaking her
Heart and mine.
One Saturday morning, I decided to take a walk. My apartment building bordered a large
Park with tree-lined walkways. As I stepped out into the hall, I noticed heather was
Also leaving her apartment. We said hello, why did she have to disarm me so completely
With her smile? Walking together toward the stairs, I told her I was going for a walk
In the park.
She said, "I was heading that way too. Would you mind if I came along?"
"No, I’d like that," I quickly replied.
Then came that old familiar conflict. Enthusiasm to be with someone I really liked, and
Fear of getting involved with someone I would end up leaving.
For the walk, however, I managed to put aside my worries. Being in heather's presence was
So comfortable, so familiar. We had a great time, with much laughter as well as some
Serious conversation about our lives.
Later, alone in my apartment, I started to panic. One walk in a park and I was falling
In love. How could this be? I again felt angry at my 'curse', and resolved that I needed
To follow my own path, to choose the person with whom I would spend time. I refused
To be controlled by a name anymore. I would spend as much time as I wanted with heather.
And I certainly wanted to spend more tie with her.
I knocked on heather's door later that afternoon. It was almost like she expected me,
And warmly invited me in. she showed me her apartment. We talked for hours; it was
Amazing how much we had in common. We talked about our spirituality. Although we came
From seemingly diverse backgrounds, we shared he same basic beliefs about higher
Power that was as much a part of us as it was a part everything in the universe.
It was obvious that we liked each other wholeheartedly. I told her how comfortable I
Felt in her presence. Her smile told me she felt the same. I knew I needed to tell her
About 'the Amanda thing' but, before I could begin, she started talking about her
Childhood.
"Tyler", she began, "I didn't have an easy childhood. I can't remember any time my
Parents sincerely listened to me. You’re such a good listener. I feel important in
Your presence."
"That’s easy", I interrupted, and “I can't remember ever enjoying listening to someone
Else this much".
Heather smiled, thanking me, then continued in more serious tones, "I felt pressured
By my parents to live my life according to their beliefs, to follow in their footsteps.
When I finished high school, I couldn't take it anymore. I chose a college as far away
From home as possible. In my attempt to find myself and my own values, I did some
Wild living partying, drugs and sex. I even changed my name...."
A bolt of electricity shot through me. "Heather" I interrupted again, almost afraid
To ask, “what was your original name?"
She looked sad, then continued,” I hated my name. It has always been a reminder of an
Oppressed, controlled child I’ve been trying to run away from. But lately I’ve been
Feeling differently about that name. Im considering going back to it, sort of reclaiming
My childhood. What do you think of me going back to my childhood name, Amanda?"
"YES!!" I almost shouted. "I love the name Amanda!"
I could scarcely contain my excitement. My story tumbled out of my mouth. Her face
Went from puzzled, to amazed, then to excited. With tears in my eyes, I reached out
And hugged heather. No-Amanda!
That was nine years ago, Amanda now loves her name. Our son and daughter like to call
Her Amanda.

lyka · Twi'ilek Jedi Knight

sAvEd frOm thE tRasH

I still don’t know why I placed a personals ad. It just wasn’t like me, but I remember a clear feeling that it was the right thing to do. At the end of the ad I said, “If you’ve never answered a personals ad, and you’re conscious and conscientious, please answer mine.”

At that time, Donna worked as a medical technician. One day, while sitting at her desk, she happened to glance down at the trash can. Sticking up out of the can was a week-old newspaper. All she could see were the words, “conscious and conscientious.” Curious, she picked up the newspaper and read the rest of the ad. She answered the ad immediately.

Meanwhile, I received several replies, but none of them felt right so I threw them all away. I felt silly for even running the ad in the first place. Then, a week later, I received Donna’s reply. I was struck by the feeling that here was a woman who knew what she wanted. I felt an inner “yes” and excitedly ran to the phone. It was in the middle of the afternoon. When she answered the phone, I blurted out, “hi, my name is Jim. You answered my personal ad.”

Donna had been taking a nap and seemed annoyed at my phone call. “Tim…Jim…what, who is this?” I had obviously awakened her.

I remember thinking, “boy, what a grouch!” I threw her letter into the trash and forgot about her.

Two days later, I noticed Donna’s letter in the trash and called her again. This was definitely not like me. I was not known for my persistence with anyone who put me off.

Bracing myself for a second grouchy encounter, I was instead pleasantly surprised. Donna received my call with warmth and friendliness. She apologized for her previous mood. She had been up most of the night consoling a friend. She said she hoped I wasn’t offended, and was aware of her tendency to be grouchy when awakened from a deep sleep.

I was very happy I gave her another try. I couldn’t wait to meet her, but she put me off for another two weeks before agreeing to meet with me. She was too busy-a potter, she was preparing for a show in a week.

I invited her on a picnic at the coast. I went all out, which was again unusual for me. At the time, I was working for one of the best restaurants n northern California, so I brought along quiet an elaborate feast, with many different choices of foods and beverages. Although this was set up to be a picnic lunch on the beach, we stayed together 12 hours talking about everything imaginable. Among other things, we discovered we both grew up in New Jersey, about a half hour’s drive from one another. We kissed only once, and that was when I said goodbye. I didn’t want to leave her but I knew it was time to go. As I drove away, I knew I had accepted this woman into my heart.

But Donna was still recovering from a relationship and didn’t feel ready for a new commitment. After a few weeks, she sat me down and said, “Jim, I feel like your falling for me, and I’m just not ready for another relationship. I want you to know hat I like you, but this just feels too fast for me.”

Again, the usual me would have interrupted these words as a rejection, and I would have been out of there in a hurry. But instead, I did something I’d never done before. I listened to words that were painful to hear, took a deep breath, and tried to understand her point of view. For the first time in my life, I didn’t react to what could have been interpreted as rejection. I simply listened to and accepted her feelings.

She later told me that my genuine caring and loving acceptance of her feelings opened her heart in a way she had never experienced before. She knew she had nothing to fear, and could let go of the past. From that day on, we were together most of the time. That was fourteen years ago. We now have two beautiful children together. We were grateful for the loving guidance that helped us grow individually so that we could be together.

lyka · Twi'ilek Jedi Knight

if from california, say hello

When I was a teenager, I used to have dreams about a tall, handsome man with green eyes and dark hair. I always imagined myself with this person. When I was nineteen, I married a man who fit the physical description but didn't have the right character. I was in a relationship, with someone completely like me- different morals, different viewpoints, and different expectations about life. I divorced him three years later and spent fourteen years as a single mother of a girl and a boy.
After my divorce, I began to participate in workshops and learned about following my heart. I began to work to make my inner voice louder and give it more respect, to allow God to guide me.
While I was learning and growing, I dated a number of men. I would, however, long for that special person I knew must be out there. I used to sit on my porch and write in my journal things I imagined about him- his personality, his life priorities. I even wrote him several poems as I imagined our lives together. Despite this longing, I learned to enjoy being a single mother and became active in the community. The years were fun and, as I grew, felt very full.
At the end of last year, I began to have dreams that I was in a time of great growth. So I began taking better care of my physical body and lost over fifty pounds. I returned to college and found great satisfaction in learning. Out of the blue, I relative bought me a computer and a client set me up with internet access.
At the beginning of this year, I had a dream that when a man on the internet said he was from California, I should say "hello." I would periodically go into the single parent chat rooms and there were a number of men who wanted to know more about me. We talked about our kids and it was a fun way to interact with other single parents a couple of night a week.
One night I "saw" a man in the chat room whom I had seen before but thought was from another areas of the country. Then someone asked him where he was from and he said "California." then immediately brought to me to attention so, remembering the instructions from my dream, I said "hello" to Benjamin and we instantly connected. Over time, we shared many stories from our past and felt very comfortable with each other. Later, we met and I was blown away by his looks. He was a tall, handsome man with green eyes and dark hair!
It turns out that, as I was having my dreams as a girl, he was living with his family in the same town. In fact, we have lived near each other for much of our lives. When I was sitting alone on my porch writing about my special beloved, he was going through a divorce and getting custody of his two little girls. At on point a few years ago, he used to wake up from nightmares that his future partner was committing to another man.
Late last year, before we met, Benjamin began to have visions that a special relationship was heading his way. He was in the midst of another relationship, but it wasn't the soul connection he knew he wanted. So he broke up with her and spent quiet evenings with his daughters. Then his car broke down and was not fixable. He was unable to go on his usual outings, so he started to explore the internet and discovered the single parent chat room and, one night, met me!
Our relationship has transcended any way in which we've behaved before. Usually, both of us are cautious about moving a relationship too quickly, and don't give our hearts too easily. However, he felt so safe with one another that we knew it was meant to be. I began to have dreams about him and he about me. Our children instantly connected with each other and with us. I can’t describe how wonderful it is to have finally found the person of my dreams.
We don’t live close to each other now, but we've never missed a weekend together. We talk on the phone three to four times per day and never run out of things to say. Either one of us will often bring up an issue the other one has been thinking about. We have decided to not allow fear to stop the low of our relationship; we just dive in bravely and share what is in our hearts.
People around us assume everything is easy for us. they don’t see that it is hard to drive two hours to see your beloved, that it is hard to sometimes go four or five days without touching each other and looking into each other's eyes. Moreover, we have, between us, four children who need substantial time and energy. Following the path of love isn’t necessarily easy. Benjamin and I have moved mountains to be together. Once, he drove two hours just to visit for an hour and then drove all the way home.
We planned to be married in June. Never told him that I had, for many years, envisioned a Christmas wedding. Then a couple off months ago, he said he could no longer stand saying good-bye every Sunday, and asked, “would you marry me on December 26th?"
"Yes!!" was my exalted reply.
This week, I found my old journals as I packed up to move, I read to him the poetry and writings that I wrote so long ago when he only lived in my heart and my imagination. He was surprised how many written description of him was as if I had already known him. Yes, it’s true. I have always known him.

lyka · Twi'ilek Jedi Knight

The resolution

It’s New Year’s Eve, 1937. I am eighteen and I have made and important decision. Tonight, I will break off with Michael after a year of “going steady.” I’ll wait till the end of the evening though, because it’s not fair to spoil our New Year’s Eve plans.
I know it’s the right decision. Who should I waste my time with him when I don’t intend to marry him? I have two more years of college and should concentrate on my education. It’s not fair to him either; he should have the chance to find someone else, someone who appreciates him.
Maybe he knows what I have in mind. After all, I have never once said the words “I love you,” while he declares his love for me endlessly.
Michael is the opposite of my ideal. Instead of someone tall and dark. He’s short and carrot-topped. I want a professional; he’s a high school drop-out. And furthermore. My family is on a higher plane, culturally than his.
The doorbell interrupts my musings. I glance at my watch, 7:45 on the button; that’s one good thing about him- always prompt! He’s always neat and well groomed, but tonight he’s particularly handsome. There’s a knife edged crease in his trousers of his blue zoot suit. The blue and gold matching tie and handkerchief add a pleasing touch of color to his crisp white shirt. I can see my reflection in his highly polished black shoes. I see my reflection again in his blue eyes as he greets me his usual way, “hello, prettiest girl in the world.” I groan inwardly! It’s not going o be easy! We walk few blocks to the party.
We are six couples who’ve known each other for years. Half of us are “steadies.” The other half just friends. We dance to the records of Benny Goodman, arties haw, and Tommy Dorsey, and couple showing off fancy breaks and dips. Why does he have to be a good dancer? I think, as we glide smoothly between the others. And he smells so good, a mixture of after shave and maleness.
He rises to kiss me in my mouth, but I turn away in confusion, and his kiss falls on my cheek.” stop it, will ya? Everyone’s looking.”
“Let ’em look!” he smiles. “It’s no secret I love you and want to hold you and kiss you the rest of my life.”
The door opens, and Mr. and Mrs. Willer come downstairs to the basement with platters of food. They’re smiling, but their wary eyes dart here and there checking for any improper behavior. Our eyes implore crazy Stanley to behave. Everyone in the neighborhood knows him and feels sorry for him since he lost his mother when he was ten. His father is unable to handle him, and he’s constantly in trouble. As soon as the millers leave. Stanley takes another nip from his flask. His date looks disgusted as he puts on a lampshade and does the hula on the coffee table.
At 11:30, we take off for Times Square. We watch the silver ball drop down from the times building to proclaim the New Year. Oh, the singing, whistling, and kissing! This mass of stranger is united for a few moments with the hope a new year brings!
The last leg of our special evening is the five-cent ride on the Staten Island ferry. Going to Staten Island is a happy time, with all of us singing our hearts out while the other passengers smile indulgently at us. Returning to Manhattan at 2 a.m., we’re ready to call it a night.
Now’s the time. “Michael, there’s something I must tell you.”
At the moment Stanley throws up all over himself and moans, “I feel awful; I’m sick, help me!”
We all turn away in disgust. All except Michael. He kneels beside Stanley and says,”I’ll help you, give me your hand.”
I watch his hand clasp and the moment freezes in time. I stare at Michaels hands as each hair and vein gets larger and brighter. As I stare, his hands actually appear luminous turn to look at the others but they don’t seem to notice anything unusual. I look at Michael’s hands again and warmth suffuses my body. I realize that I want to put myself in his hands and share my life with him. I know with my heart and soul that any difficult times ahead will be cushioned by this good man who will always love and cherish me.
Michael helps Stanley in his feet, the light diminishes, and everything goes back to normal. As the ferry slips into the terminal, Michaels asks, “Did you want to tell me something?”
I look into his incredibly blue eyes, “I love you.” I’m surprised how easy it is to say.

lyka · Twi'ilek Jedi Knight

teLL me yoUr cOmmentS oR sUggeStionS

xake · Tarnga Jedi Knight of Jedi Master orj78

"what's in a name"

i can say...

Patience... just like the guy had waiting for the right girl.... hehehe....

gaya ko lhat nang naging crush ko at yung ex ko ang family name nila starts with letter R...ewan baka siguro R's are so great... beautiful... or more...ewan ko bkit lhat nang namit kong girls nanagugustuhan ko ang family name nila ends with R....

lyka · Twi'ilek Jedi Knight

hehehe..

patiEnce...

jestoni500 · Tarnga Jedi Knight of Jedi Master orj78

ho-hum
comment ko
heheheh

lyka · Twi'ilek Jedi Knight

gRAbe talaga si jEs...

jestoni500 · Tarnga Jedi Knight of Jedi Master orj78

ako grabe bakit naman

jestoni500 · Tarnga Jedi Knight of Jedi Master orj78

grabe me

lyka · Twi'ilek Jedi Knight

waLang kwEnta naMan cOmment mo..

hehehe.. jOwkkie!

jestoni500 · Tarnga Jedi Knight of Jedi Master orj78

joke lng din yung comment ko kanina

jestoni500 · Tarnga Jedi Knight of Jedi Master orj78

ang masasabi ko lng ay ang haba ng story !!!!

jestoni500 · Tarnga Jedi Knight of Jedi Master orj78

question lng ikaw ba gumawa ng story???

lyka · Twi'ilek Jedi Knight

taMad ka Lang taLaga mAgbasa...

siGe na jEs..

reAd mo nAman, kAhit isA lanG...

jestoni500 · Tarnga Jedi Knight of Jedi Master orj78

tama ka tamad ako magbasa
hehehe

matz · Tarnga Jedi Knight of Jedi Master orj78

hahaha ang haba! status:READING"....hehehe

@zar wow nice zar, ako nman lhat ng crushes ko tska un ex ko starts sa letter "J" un name! waaa grabe pti GF Ko ngaun start sa letter "J" rn un name...hahaha

amazing!

lyka · Twi'ilek Jedi Knight

hehehe. basta read k lang matz.. hehe!

may bagong GF ka na ngayon?! who?!

matz · Tarnga Jedi Knight of Jedi Master orj78

lyka wrote:

hehehe. basta read k lang matz.. hehe!

may bagong GF ka na ngayon?! who?!

haha tga pillar lyk,, sa monday ko na ssbhin...wakokoko

lyka · Twi'ilek Jedi Knight

okay.. dOnt forgEt to teLL me ha,!

xake · Tarnga Jedi Knight of Jedi Master orj78

ahhhh

yung gf ni mat....

kilala ko pero forgot her name eh...

grabe ulyanin na ako....huhuhu jowk....

matz · Tarnga Jedi Knight of Jedi Master orj78

@lyka

uu bsta remind me nlng sa monday bka mklimutan ko,
ulyinani kc ako...hhahaha

@xake

hahhaha....weeee ccwet

hehehe

xake · Tarnga Jedi Knight of Jedi Master orj78

mat kilala ko na si

j_ _ _ _ _

correct ba...

wat year and wat section...

matz · Tarnga Jedi Knight of Jedi Master orj78

xake wrote:

mat kilala ko na si
j_ _ _ _ _
correct ba...
wat year and wat section...

hehehe yup ^^... wakoko 3rd yr xa... dnt know d section..hihi

lyka · Twi'ilek Jedi Knight

nah! inggit ako.. tell me nga the name!

matz · Tarnga Jedi Knight of Jedi Master orj78

lyka wrote:

nah! inggit ako.. tell me nga the name!

hehe send mo n lng c zar ng msge lyk den ask him d name ^^.. hihihi... zar wag mo post d2 name ng GF ko ha? hahaha ..

kung ayaw sbhin n zar edi sa monday n lng ..wakokoko

xake · Tarnga Jedi Knight of Jedi Master orj78

sowee kung naguan lng me tumawag kc mother ko kaya nadisconect ako...any way wat man ang topic...

matz · Tarnga Jedi Knight of Jedi Master orj78

xake wrote:

sowee kung naguan lng me tumawag kc mother ko kaya nadisconect ako...any way wat man ang topic...

hehe ayus lng un

lyka · Twi'ilek Jedi Knight

ikaw na magbigay topic zar, wag lang yun out of topic na

xake · Tarnga Jedi Knight of Jedi Master orj78

ahhhhh...

wat ba... ung tungkol sa story nyo sa lit... okay ba...

wala kc maiicip bored tlgah...

lyka · Twi'ilek Jedi Knight

yun assign na story?

xake · Tarnga Jedi Knight of Jedi Master orj78

ay nah ibang topic nalang nga.....

so bored at ayaw ko rin sbhin ung story ko kakahiya eh...

lyka · Twi'ilek Jedi Knight

bakit man? pashare naman ng story mo... wag mahiya...

xake · Tarnga Jedi Knight of Jedi Master orj78

nah bien funny gad di miyo story... ciena pa wrung grammar kay paspas lang yo man type...

lyka · Twi'ilek Jedi Knight

hehehe.. pashare kahit small part lang of your story.. hehehe

xake · Tarnga Jedi Knight of Jedi Master orj78

ehhhh....

na monday yah lang ...

lyka · Twi'ilek Jedi Knight

hehehe.. okay..

yun story ko naman..boring xa.. ordinary lang talaga sa akin!

xake · Tarnga Jedi Knight of Jedi Master orj78

nah mas boring sakin

lyka · Twi'ilek Jedi Knight

mas na sa akin kasi walang excitement.. ordinary story lang talaga

xake · Tarnga Jedi Knight of Jedi Master orj78

na sakin kaya... lyks youre a great writer kaya... man pm yah lang yoh.. kontigo para mabasa mo na ang story ko... pm mo rin yung story mo...

lyka · Twi'ilek Jedi Knight

hala! di talaga ako ganun ka galing sa pag write noh..okay,, pm mo lang ako.

Joyax · Padawan

i really like "what's in a name"

^_________^

lyka · Twi'ilek Jedi Knight

yehey..

bUti pa si jOy nakabasa na..

si jEs, tamad pa rin... hehehe!

jestoni500 · Tarnga Jedi Knight of Jedi Master orj78

oo na sige na!!!

tamad na kung tamad

ho-hum lng talaga masasabi ko pagnagbabasa ako lalo na kapag mahaba

^^

jestoni500 · Tarnga Jedi Knight of Jedi Master orj78

hu-hom

marc_anne · Padawan

the best anng 'whats in a name'!!!!!!!!!

ganda talga!!!!!!!!!!

gwapitz · Tarnga Jedi Knight of Jedi Master orj78

d ko na po binasa...................

nice ung story..........

weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.............

lyka · Twi'ilek Jedi Knight

yehey! thanks marc